Love your Enemies??

I’ve been reading and re-reading the Sermon on the Mount recently. There are so many excellent and provocative instructions given by Jesus in this most significant sermon, probably of all time. One specific part has been gnawing at me while I’ve been studying the teachings in Matthew chapters 5 through 7:

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you, that you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.

Matthew 5:44-45.

The image that always pops first into my mind when reading this verse is of foreign terrorists. Next, my mind turns to an undefined group of national politicians and media companies that in my opinion push harmful content and policies trying to groom our children and entice them to a certain set of beliefs and actions that I believe to be harmful. But next, my mind turns to people closer to home, people that I have specifically entertained hateful thoughts toward, and some that I have expressed hateful sentiment about. The thought of these individuals, who have a name and a face, hits me harder than the distant terrorists or politicians. As I think about these people and my thoughts toward them, I stand convicted of doing the opposite of what Jesus taught. Instead of loving my enemies, I find myself thinking hateful thoughts from time to time. I know I need to change, but how?

I then think of my clients and people that I work with day in and day out, going through a divorce, a custody dispute, or even a domestic violence or child abuse situation. I think “How can ________ be expected to love this enemy that is abusing her child, or that is fighting unfairly, or that appears to be doing all in his power to hurt her, harm her, and take her down? How is it even possible to love the person who is attacking left and right, and who shows no love or sympathy or mercy?” And me, as an extension of my client, should be able to stay above the hate and the attacks, but sometimes I don’t and feel that I can’t. How can my client, who is actually living the reality created out of hate be expected to respond with love, to turn the other cheek, to give up a cloak and not just the coat if I can’t even do that at times?

It’s a huge struggle. At times perhaps it’s a struggle without a clear answer. But Jesus Christ was clear in the Sermon on the Mount: Love your enemies. Bless them that curse you. Do good to them that hate you. Pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you. Resist not evil. Turn the other cheek.

How can we do this? In the face of injustice, hate, and vileness? How do we not return eye for an eye, or tooth for a tooth? How do we turn the other cheek while protecting our children?

I don’t know the answer. It is something that I struggle with. But it is something that I want to strive for. When I feel hate, I feel ugly and dark inside. When I react rather than respond in control of myself, I regret it and I don’t accomplish anything. When I feel that hate, I know that I’ve lost power, and given it to the object of my hate.

So what can we do? Just struggle and feel bad about ourselves? I don’t think that’s what we need to do. I admit I don’t have the answers, and I admit I struggle with this all the time. But here are my thoughts for what we can do.

First, I think we need to admit to ourselves who we consider our enemies. It’s hard, and probably impossible, to love someone without identifying them first.

Next, I think we need to pray to God the Father about three things:

1. Ask Him to take away our hate and forgive us for hating.
2. Ask Him to fill us with His love.
3. Ask Him to bless the identified enemy according to God’s love and forgiveness (and not according to our own desires and assumptions of what the “enemy” needs).

Then, I think we have to stop dwelling on the bad that the person has done or is doing. Stop talking badly about the person and start saying only positive things about him or her.

Last, do something kind to or for that person. And not just once, but repeatedly treat the person with goodness.

And repeat, always.

While doing these things, it’s important to know that what we do likely will not change the attitude or behavior of the other person. Don’t assume that because we are doing our best, that the other person will be changed. She might, but don’t plan on it. If we do good to someone expecting something in return, it isn’t really loving the enemy, is it? It’s just trying a different tactic against the enemy. And that assumption that she will reciprocate will often let us down and leave us feeling cheated. But nowhere did Jesus promise that if you love your enemy, your enemy will love you back.  

If we can change ourselves – and allow God to change us – then we become a different person. We aren’t trapped any longer by our own hate and harsh feelings. The outside circumstances may not be any better, but we become better able to reason and live and love without being beholden to the ugliness and hate.

It’s not easy to do this. It’s not natural to do this. But I do believe it is worth it to try.